Day 1: Conversatives

I am currently in a really small populated region. Mostly everyone here is conservative. Mostly everyone here hates things/people that are different. I am really different. I am interested in things that other people here aren't, and I don't care about a lot of things. I, first, am awesome, and, second, am gay. Living in a small town, in the closet, is going to be a challenge for me and I will be here for the next three-four months. This is the town i grew up in, and the town I have not lived in for the last six years. Growing up I never realized I was a lesbian, but looking back, if I had grown up in a more liberal place I think I would have recongized it sooner. I didn't come to the realization until I was 21, and three years later I am still hiding myself from others. However, with the support of some really amazing friends both straight and gay, I am becoming more accepting of myself and how I identify myself to others. I am nowhere near the point of "coming out" (at least to some people) and I am constantly battling negative thoughts and ideas that have been inplanted in my brain growing up in a small homophobic town, but I am doing my best to stand up for myself and others. I am turning my blog into a journal about my daily battles of living in the closet, in a small country town.

I had come up with idea before I moved here, but was confronted with my first trial a day after I arrived. I suspect there will be many more, as I have already heard my fair share of degrading things from my family and friends over the years regarding liberals, gays, different races, you name it. If you are not a part of it you are against it apparently. This is my struggle, this is my pain.

At work, sometimes we have to discuss issues such as dealing with sexually and privacy and also not judging anyone. Legally, at my job we cannot be discriminating to anyone dispite our own values. This is absilutely not a problem for me. But sitting in class during this discuss I heard some really outrageous things said. For example, when talking about homosexuality, everyone seemed to be fine about it, it is non of our business etc, and it doesn't effect our job. However, someone then said, I'm fine with it until they hit on me, then blah blah blah, elluding to the point that that person would endure physical pain.

I am sitting their thinking, if a person of the opposite sex hit on you that you didn't want to hit on you, would you react the same way? If not, then what is the harm of someone of the same sex hitting on you? If you are getting unwanted attention in any case politely tell the person that you are not interested, while trying not to hurt their feelings, regardless of race, gender, age, or whatever. I just don't get the logic behind people being disgusted when a person of the same sex may or may not be hitting on you. Also what makes you think someone of the same sex would hit on you if you are supposedly super straight? Grow up, get a life, and get over yourself, because let me tell you, you are not even worth the time.